5. When Helping Everyone Started to Cost Me

I enrolled in Reiki 1 Training in late 2017, where I learned to work on own energy field first and offer chair sessions to a handful of people. We received Oracle cards in every training class under our chair. And of course I had a card that said Durga that had to do with boundaries, further reinforcing the clarity I received at Burning Man.

In Reiki trainings you receive several attunements, the first one usually activates the energy centers in the palms of your hands. I was surprised how quickly I felt my palms generating warmth and energy after that.

I learned how to do Reiki self-practice and dry bathing aka clearing your field before entering and exiting a container. Self practice involved moving placing your on different parts of your body for a couple of moments at a time, starting at the crown of your head and making your way down. It was recommended to do this practice in the morning and evening for self-healing.

As I practiced it regularly, especially at bedtime, in the dark I was beginning to see the ripples of energy and sparks flying from the palms of my hands and I remembered thinking, please tell me I'm not imagining this, this is so cool. I felt like a powerful superhero.

I came back quickly for Reiki Level 2, more in-depth, where I began learning how to do table sessions and working on other people. After Reiki 2, you can officially start taking clients. So I started working at the Department of Integrative Health right after.

As I was going through Burning Man upgrades, taking new nursing jobs and taking Reiki trainings, I was also cycling through roommates almost as quickly. I was began noticing they were going through serious transformations while living with me.

I began to notice at what points certain people would vibrate in and vibrate out of my life. I started to feel like I was a major catalyst in their journeys as I saw each one elevate quickly into her next chapter within 6-9 months or so, whether it was getting engaged, moving in with partners. I thought why not me yet?

Part of me was very generous with my time enriching them and at times and sharing insights I was experiencing as I was going through my massive upgrades because I wanted connection. I didn't see it as a value exchange then. I was informally exchanging insight, perspective I had into their problems and sharing lessons and tips that worked for me, overextending my boundaries in exchange for friendship and connection.

At the time I didn't realize that this is something I can actually monetize or that this is how coaching works. I also was not necessarily being recognized for this.

They would move onto their next chapter, and I was staying in the same apartment. It began to frustrate me because I would overextend and then feel resentful after. I kept getting the feedback from my mom and others about what a time, energy and focus suck changing roommates every 6 months is for me.

And I agreed, I only had so much bandwidth outside of my now 2 jobs, socializing with friends, dating, and my active, sporty lifestyle of yoga, biking, rockclimbing, to actually sit down on focus on what moved the needle forward in my business. It was rather hard for me to sit still actually.

I began thinking of a name for my business and when it arrived, I started doing my own LLC filings, and I was so proud of how scrappy and resourceful I was to learn how to do it Youtube and LegalZoom. I got the domain and handle for instagram. And I finally bit the bullet and started looking for my own place to get more serious and was looking for a place where I could see Reiki clients from home too.

I realized I wanted to create a brand around self-care for busy professional women, that included customized aromatherapy products for healing their physical, emotional or spiritual problems and this would be my container for the Reiki energy work as well.

So I contacted a high-ticket coach about launching my brand after reading her book — which planted the idea of "transformations" and solving very specific problems for your ideal client. I was a little early in my journey for her services because my Reiki practice wasn't solidified yet as I was in the midst of my training and this was something new I wanted to offer. So the client transformation I wanted to offer wasn't anchored yet. So she told me what to work on and I invited me to join her Facebook group and connect back with her in the future.

Meanwhile, I was very comfortable offering Reiki sessions to my patients at the hospital, but when they asked about something else I offered like a meditation, it was like suddenly I got shy in front of my mentor I was training with and was mute. It felt like really stretching my comfort zone in general. I didn't believe that I had a therapeutic voice or soft presence because of my previous leadership and charge nurse roles, but moreso a no bullshit, clear, direct and to the point Brooklyn vibe.

One day, I had a patient who was delirious and confused and my mentor said she'd step out if I was shy and can practice my meditation giving skills with her, that she won't judge me because she was confused. That felt like a safe space for me to practice. And so in Spring of 2018, I gave my first live guided 15-minute meditation.

Even through the woman's delirium, she remarked that I had a very calming and soothing voice and she really enjoyed it because it grounded her. I was surprised about how easily I could access a therapeutic tone when the pressure was off. That made me instantly feel more comfortable. And that same day, I offered a meditation to 2 more patients. And then even my mentor. I learned that getting reps really builds the skillset and the confidence.

From there, I started volunteering to facilitate the hospital-wide meditations my department offered on Mondays that were open for anyone to attend, from patients' family members to hospital staff. As well participating in wellness initiatives we hosted for entire departments of nurses that offered complimentary energy work and meditation sessions.

At this point I was in Reiki 3 Master level training already. The hospital was no longer reimbursing me because technically I didn't need it in order to work with patients at the hospital. I was getting enough experience there already, but there was still a part of me who wanted to see the certification all the way through, and I'm glad I did.

Level 3 stretched me though because I had to get 20 private client sessions in order to complete it, since it was about setting up your own private Reiki practice. So the hospital patient sessions did not count for this.

In order to hit the required 20 sessions, I learned I had to build a list of people, send outreach messages to them about the opportunity and post on social media to see who may be interested.

My Instructor recommended we charge for the sessions (could be an intro offer price we were comfortable with since we were builds reps) but it was up to us if we wanted to or not. She said charging your value is something healing practitioners often struggle with, so to just get comfortable with it now.

My earliest clients again were my colleagues from my nursing work, family members, my yoga community, my climbing friends and my new Burning Man camp friends.

In this training I also learned a lot of different crystals I can incorporate into my practice, the intentions for each one's use and how you can use them to protect and cleanse your energy field or help ground you as you work with energy and also in your day-to-day. I was like great, that's perfect for the boundary protection and grounding that was recommended to me.

Before you know it I was frequenting crystal shops, moreso than aromatherapy shops. I was buying crystals to wear as necklaces, to pack in my purses, to place around my room and small enough to fit in my pockets to keep on me at all times.

I was receiving messages from my family and my trusted intuitives to protect my energy so I didn't feel drained, especially working with sick patients at the hospital -- to make sure that I was tapping into the source of Reiki energy, not using my own life force energy for the healing work in the process.

Clifton — who I met 2 years ago at the wellness startup networking event and went on 1 date with and then fizzled — reached out to me that same Spring. He may have seen that I was posting about Reiki sessions or just felt the pulse to reach out to me because he was now Co-Founder of a popular new integrative wellness startup out in Venice Beach, LA called Human Garage.

He mentioned they do mind-body repair work that involves some energy work too and they were looking for a nurse to do IVs as well. From the interaction, I could not tell if this catch up conversation was coming as a romantic interest or offering a potential for collaboration. But he recommended an Astrology YouTube show to me, that I started to listen to regularly, which becomes important later.

I hit my limit with the roommate searches and shifted the focus from working on my business to searching for a new place as my top priority. After being comfortable in the same apartment for 5 years, it was scary to me to uproot and downsize into my own place. Just like I avoided switching my nursing job until the message got louder and louder, same too with the apartment. So finally early summer of 2018, I moved from Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn to Williamsburg.

And before I knew it, I was packing my bags for Burning Man again, returning to the same holistic healing arts camp. And this time, coming full circle, I offered to host Reiki sessions for my campmates, coming full circle from where I experienced Reiki for the first time exactly 1 year prior.